6 Oct 2005

Fat People are the Lorries of the Swimming Pool

Have you ever been almost or actually pushed of the road and onto the muddy or sandy road shoulder because some huge lorry is coming the other way and is taking up way more road than they are rightfully allowed too? I think the answer would be yes.

I have always thought that this phenomen only happens on the roads, where the rule of size (irrelevant of what the traffic police says) always wins out.

"I'm a big lorry. You are a puny car. You get OUT of my way."

Well, sadly, this rule also applies in the swimming pool. I've experienced it first hand. It was suppose to be a nice swim but turn out otherwise. This person who is severely gravitationally enhanced, i.e. fat like a whale, decided that he was going to swim along the same lane as me. Bear in mind that the pool was crowded so this lane had about 3 other people in it including me.

So guess what happens next, he doesn't move out of the way. Doesn't even try to give way. Just swims in a damn straight line and damn slowly too. Ever climb up a mountain on a single lane road stuck behind a lorry. That's what it felt like. It was even worse if you were coming head on. It was either move out of the way or get run (swum) down by this tub of lard.

Don't get me started on the size of his swimtrunks. Given his size, they were miniscule. It was gross. Fat was flopping all around everywhere. I'm a bear and bears have a decent amount of fat so if a bear gets grossed out at this sight, it was BAD.

So the next time you are in the pool and see a tub of lard in really small trunks about to go take a swim, do the right thing. Call your local aquarium and tell that that they lost a whale and should come retrieve it immediately.

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